15. Frisson

Frisson


1. A sudden and intense feeling of excitement

2. A shudder caused by a thrill






It is hilarious looking back at this and seeing all the free time I squandered. I have a 2 month old baby and a 2 year old right now and I'm losing my goddamn mind. I miss writing. I rarely feel a frisson of any good vibes or excitement. Life is a fog of sleep deprivation and drudgery. The house is disgusting and enraging to me. The other day, seeking some excitement or maybe an escape, I ate 5 mg. of a weed candy and lost my damn mind. I should know better. I've been paralyzed by fear from that shit so many times. I need to stop eating weed candy. I scared my daughter. I thought the Russians were doing an aerial attack. There's a restored B-52 that's been flying really low and it freaked me the fuck out. We live by 3 airports, go figure. And there's an air force base not too far. But why did it have to keep flying over our neighborhood? I kept hearing screams and shots in the distance. I talked to my neighbors to see if their version of reality matched mine. This isn't good. My little brother is schizophrenic. Maybe I have a touch of auditory schizophrenia when I do edibles..I have to stop. This never happens when I smoke weed. This isn't the time. I definitely have postpartum depression or anxiety or something. This job is never ending. The baby is crying now, goodbye. One hour nap is over.




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